


Outcast

by o0JayWolf0o



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of crying too, M/M, Suicide Attempt, a bit ooc for dave i guess, umm i guess thats all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-02 02:28:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11499861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/o0JayWolf0o/pseuds/o0JayWolf0o
Summary: Dave isn't sure he can wait for another year on this fucking meteor.





	Outcast

**Author's Note:**

> heyyy  
> this has a suicide attempt and shit its pretty triggering b careful
> 
> also this is my first attempt at a homestuck fanfic so :VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV
> 
> also i wrote half of this at like 4 am on my phone sorry abt bad grammar there
> 
> ok enjoy

It was late.

 

Nothing you weren't used to, sure. Ever since you'd arrived on the meteor, you've been getting less and less sleep. Not only that, you've been eating less. It was pretty unhealthy, but at this point, you'd dug your hole too deep.

 

You plugged in your earbuds and put on some random music. It turned out to be pretty depressing, which set the mood you guess.

 

You quietly walked out of the hive, careful not to disturb anyone who may have been sleeping. Pushing your shades up a bit, you trod over to a small crater and took a seat inside. A bit uncomfortable, you admitted, but you had gotten used to it by now.

 

Your eyes flickered over the many stars that passed your gaze of sight, head bobbing gently with the music you had on. You never set the volume too high, so you could easily hear the strange noises of space. They were once strange and foreign, but now you found it to be a bit comforting.

 

Pulling out your phone, you let your irises settle on  "3:33 AM." A sigh escaped your lips and you trembled slightly in the chill of the "night." In reality, it was always dark outside. Kanaya had set up clocks and lights though, to help everyone sleep normally.

 

You let your eyelids flutter a bit, taking your glasses off. You wouldn't admit this to anyone, but you preferred to be without your shades. It was hard to see all the time. The only reason you really even wore them was that you didn't want anyone to see your, ahem, 'unique' eye color. Also, you looked pretty fucking cool with them on.

 

You turned up your music a notch, a heavy feeling pooling in your chest. Your throat locked up, making it difficult to breathe. Despite this, your expression remained unmoved, accomplished only after years of practice.

 

You sniffled a bit, blinking the wetness out of your eyes. Usually, you didn't cry- you were too cool for such a thing- but this time you felt...

Well, even lonelier than usual.

 

You stood up, face blank as you shut your phone down and pocketed both it and your earbuds. Cracking your knuckles- a habit you'd picked up from Karkat- you let your feet carry you back to your room. A single tear trailed down your white cheek and you made quick work of wiping it away.

 

You grabbed a piece of paper and a red pen, shaking it slightly as you scribbled a quick message down. Setting the note on the ground, you grabbed a small chair and a rope.

 

Before you did anything, you ran the rope through your fingers, a few more stray tears leaking from your eyes. You knew this probably wouldn't work, seeing as you'd become a god tier, but maybe the world would lend you some sympathy and let you die.

 

Tying the rope with practiced ease, you stepped up on the chair and looped the string around a bar on the ceiling. Pulling swiftly, you stared at the sloppy noose with a numb expression.

 

Oh, how ready you were to push your head through the loop like a cat to a hand. You exhaled briefly before grasping the rope and raising your chin. Your head settled comfortably in the slot- as comfortable as skin against a frayed rope could be- before looking down.

 

In a brief motion, you kicked the back of the chair and it clattered noisily to the ground. Almost instantly, your breath was taken away and you were struggling against your bonds.

 

Suffocation wasn't as easy as you'd thought.

 

Your lungs screamed for air, your hands clawing desperately at the noose. Getting a grip on the rope, you weakly tried to pull yourself up but the lack of oxygen had left you frail.

 

The patter of shoes on metal echoed loudly as your feet were suddenly lifted and you fell backward onto the floor, hacking violently and gulping in air as tears poured down your face.

 

You heard yelling, but your vision was swimming and you couldn't think. You stared at the light as it flickered on, watching figures dance in your vision. Or were those people? You couldn't tell.

 

Your head lolled to the side and you inhaled deeply, closing your eyes and curling into a tight ball. Your trembling failed to cease as hands groped at your clothing and arms. You yelped, forgetting your charade and scrabbling away from the limbs.

 

"..ave! Da... please, look at m..." someone's voice, laced thickly in panic, reached your ears.

 

You tried to push your shades up, but they were outside still. Blinking away tears, you let yourself focus on what was happening.

 

Karkat was standing in the doorway, posture rigid and eyes filled with terror and fear. Transparent, red liquid streamed from his eyes and he sniffled, shaking violently. Rose and Kanaya stood before you, both trying to get you to respond to them.

 

"Dave, please say something.." Rose whispered, tears falling down her cheeks and the same fear Karkat had in her eyes.

 

"uh.." You glanced around again, trying to avoid their gazes.

 

A silence wrapped around the room before Rose stepped forward tentatively as if testing the waters. When you didn't flinch, she sprang forward, wrapping her arms around you tightly as her body was wracked with sobs.

 

Kanaya watched silently, sniffling and wiping away olive tears.

 

"i'm sorry," you whispered, sliding your arms around Rose's frame.

 

She pulled back and you looked beyond her, staring at Karkat, who was now walking toward you slowly. Tears still slid down his cheeks, eyes puffy and red.

 

The troll kneeled down and embraced you tightly, fear still evident in the trembles he had. You fumbled for a moment before hugging him back, closing your eyes and burying your head in his shoulder.

 

You didn't want this to happen.

  
  
  


It had been roughly 3 weeks since the incident. Kanaya, Rose, and Karkat had vowed not to tell anyone as long as you had talked with the girls about it.

 

You now sat with Karkat, watching some stupid romance film and eating popcorn. Your arm was slung around the back of the couch, a smile on your lips as you laughed at the poorly-written movie.

 

Turning your head, your mirth fizzled away as your gaze locked onto Karkat's expression. His lip trembled, eyes dull and shiny. A forced smile bestowed on his lips as he noticed you watching him and you cocked a brow.

 

The troll sighed, scooting a bit closer to you. "Dave.." he mumbled. Your eyes widened in shock at his surprisingly low volume.

 

"what's up?" you asked, a bit worried for him now.

 

Karkat closed his eyes, sighing sadly. "Why did you attempt?" he whispered, red irises flickering toward you.

 

"..." You didn't reply, and instead looked down.

 

After a few beats of silence passed, the movie playing behind you, Karkat continued. “I just... I don’t  _ understand! _ ” Tears began building up, glistening red in the dim light. “You seem so happy all of the time... I thought... I thought you  _ were _ happy, here..” He paused. “I thought I made you happy,” he whispered quietly, letting his tears flow.

 

You sighed, mood dropping and your chest tightening somewhat. “you  _ do _ make me happy, karkat. but it’s... it was just so hard. to have to stay on this fucking meteor for another year, as if we hadn’t suffered enough already?” You chuckled darkly, a sadness gripping your throat. “what does it matter? it’s not like we  _ can _ beat lord english anyway. why not spare yourself the trouble and just,” you threw your hands in the air, “get the pain over with?

 

“you made me so much happier, karkat. one of the reasons i didn’t want to do it was because i knew i would hurt you and i would never get to laugh at shitty movies with you again.”

 

You glanced at Karkat again, sliding your eyes over his face. He had only begun crying even more, tears flowing freely onto his shirt. You looked away for a moment and it didn’t take an ounce of hesitation before Karkat laughed himself at you, throwing his arms around you in a sideways hug. You shifted awkwardly, smiling a bit as you close your arms around his back to complete the embrace.

 

You both stayed like that for a while, until Karkat spoke up again. “Are you going to do it again?” he mumbled, burying his head in the crook of your neck.

 

“...no,” you replied, running your hands through Karkat’s hair comfortably. 

 

“i promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> wowza that sure was depressing aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa


End file.
